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Music and Words


7) Fifty Ways to Kill My Lover's Lover [Charlotte]

Dedicated to anyone with a dark sense of humour - you know who you are! 


Charlotte: What am I gonna do to fix the issues in my life?
my world has started spiralling,
and it's all down to his wife.

I've accepted her as best I can,
I've stayed hidden out of sight,
but she has taken my place, like it's her bloody right!

Well...I'll fix her!

I could shoot her in the head,
I could stab her in the back,
I could wrap my hand around her throat
and hope I've got the knack.

I could push her down some stairs,
off a cliff, out a plane,
or inject some liquid nitrogen
and watch it freeze her brain.

New methods to discover, will I stay undercover?
With my fifty ways to kill my lover's lover!

That kiss, it was the start of something stirring in my heart,
a touch, a glance, a twirl, a dance,
she played stupid part!

He took me when my heart was pure,
the untouched innocence still true,
I thought my heart was his to keep,
until I found out about you!

Well, damn it, I'm not giving up without a fight!

I could fill her tea with drugs, put explosives in a cake,
go full fairy tale and push her in an oven so she'll bake.
I could boil her in a hot tub, or nail her to a tree,
I could lock her in an airtight box and throw her out to sea.
So much more to discover, will I stay undercover?
With my fifty ways to kill my lover's lover!

I could stretch her on a rack,
I could pull her limb from limb,
I could hang, draw and quarter, go medieval on a whim.
Stop her breathing with a pillow,
jam her sunbed shut, ha please!
Spray her jogging clothes with pheromones
and wait for killer bees.

I'll force feed her with foie gras,
make her kiss a moving train,
slit her throat with my stiletto
watch the blood drain from her…
*screams with frustration*

Leila: Mummy? What's for dinner?

Charlotte: Revenge! *cough*
...served with fish fingers and chips, sweetie.

I can't risk what I have got,
who would make my girl her tea?
With all of this at stake I will have to let things be.

I won't push her down some stairs,
or off a cliff, or out a plane.
Look at me I've lost the plot and really, truly gone insane.

So much more to discover, so I'll stay undercover,
no more fifty ways to kill my lover's lover!
  • Charlotte
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